Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
