mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
