Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
