He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
