So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
