He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
