So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
