If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
