Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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