Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
