Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
