it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
