she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
