I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
