i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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