I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
