i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
