you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
