I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
