This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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