You can't special order awesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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