the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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