yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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