just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need moral support for this bender
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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