just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
