he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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