I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
