So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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