everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found your dick twin last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
