I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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