my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
