Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
