I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
