Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
