Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
