Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
