I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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