The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
