hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
