nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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