I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
