i think my mom watched the whole time
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
