You really coming over, don't trick.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
