We're facebook friends in real life
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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