ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
