Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
