respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
