But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
