I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
