WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
